late realization

i realized that i am not a fan of constructive criticisms. even though i know that they are right and that the people telling me these means more benefit than harm.. (im not going to say no harm) iam just too stubborn and too damn full of pride to listen and react.. well i hear them and react the opposite way hha

to the most confused bum on earth hha

today is my first official non -HSBC employee day..

i really didnt wanted to wake up its not like a saturday where in i can sleep a little later than usual and feel secure cause i have a job waiting for me.. i felt lost. i didnt know what i am supposed to do now that i dont have HSBC.. it was different after graduation since then i know im supposed to be looking for a job.. the pressure of finding a job was there but unlike now.. i feel that im getting pressured and not getting pressured at the same time..

i can swallow my pride and go back to hsbc which would be STUPID.. or i can stand by my decision and be clueless for a while which would be STUPID.. or i can ask my parent's help/advice which would also be STUPID maybe not really stupid but awkward..

i dont know what im looking for and what i want and what i am capable of doing.. i feel that i dont know anything at all.. which is frustrating because i feel like im back at square 1..

hsbc was an escape.. from responsibilities, obligations and constant nag of my parents.. it was an extended part of my comfort zone which i never really left.. and now im lost.. i cant go back and i dont know how to move forward.. i am most certainly not staying put.. then where am i gonna go?

after a loooooooong (one way) "talk"

scenario is i went out with a friend from office this afternoon.. went to watch a movie and coffee after.. it was a friendly get together lang but my parents are blowing it super out of proportion.. from discussion about what will other people think/SAY to kidnapping to racial differences..

its frustrating that they want to choose the people that i would SHOULD hang out with.. i know naman from where they are coming from and i know that they just want to prevent "complications".. but just because i dont want to get married to a F doesnt mean i couldnt be friends with them.. my mom went on rambling about how every C and F relationship would bring any C down.. it was so unfair of them to think that i couldnt think for myself.

tidbits of the start of 2008

havent had time to gather my thoughts down.. kaya id just jumble everything in a senseless entry..

i quit my job.. i really REALLY quit my job... oh no oh no oh no.. its really sinking in slowly.. this is my last week in HSBC and i still havent started looking for another job.. or looked into further studies.. or talked about it with my parents. i mean they know that i quit but we havent really had that parent-child kind of talk..

i was asked if i regret my decision.. after a few seconds.. i realize that i dont.. i mean i have some regrets but as a whole i knew its the right decision.. if i dont do it now. i would just be prolonging the it.. but i would miss the people terribly and also the office itself and fort..

on a different note.. i went to Coffee Bean last night in trinoma.. went to try their double vanilla tea latte para maiba.. it was TERRIBLE!!! super yuck.. hhe bad advertisement ba??

ive been watcing cooking master boy in youtube : ) Fun hha