what happened

If you believe in miracles.. then you are just naive - heard in animax plugging of Slamdunk hhe funny

that's a channel for kids.. after growing up with Happily ever after we now have these.. sadness..

Christmas Eve

its almost Christmas!!!

its been food food and more food

i feel like i would gain a few pounds more than i expected

i would really really need to starve these extra flabs off as soon as possible

boring weekend

yesterday i was supposed to join a friend's outreach in commonwealth area... i was so tired from the party and was not really excited to join since churchmates niya yun and i would be out of place... so i feigned sleep and texted that i just woke up way past the meeting time

today there is supposed to be another outreach which another co worker invited me to join which i also didnt go in courtesy to yesterday's outreach..

and then theres the binyag of another co worker's kid which i also didnt go to because i was invited late na and i dont have any ready gift lying around.

ended up doing my christmas shopping with my shobe tagging along as my bodyguard and constant reminder to not stray to clothes... i guess it was a very successful shopping trip now if i could only work off all those debts.. hha

party pooper

friday night was HSBC party night : )

we had our party in SMX this year.. pretty nice place nice lights nice high ceilings.. it was as expected not as fun as last year since my PMT team are not as party people as my former CAS team.. but i had fun pa rin.

i was touched because my PMT really waited for me before going to the party.. we had a new system running on the day of the party.. it was so so slow that i was the only one left working... it was so frustrating since dahil mabagal yung system i was HELPING my teammates in their job it would only be fair diba that they HELP me din when they are freaking done?!? anyway they did help naman when malapit na kami iwan ng bus.. a big THANKS

it just so happen that we were the only ones left for the second to the last bus.. it was fun to ride on a bus na kami kami lang.. i was lying down my chair na talaga coz i was really tired and sleepy.. we were so noisy and since it was traffic super tsismisan to the max

anyway we didnt really missed anything sa party since people were just eating and socializing and the performance started a little after we arrived..

the performances were nice.. unfortunately we lost this year again.. : ( and the team that won was not the best naman..

there was an open bar.. and i only had a drink or two.. hha sayang nga eh free cocktails!!! but being the good responsible citizen i chose to be a party pooper nalang.. which was frustrating since most of my friends were crazy drunk by the time it was time to dance..

after the performances it was the 15k band's time so it was all night dancing.. went home at around 1230 and got home 2 na ata.. it was so damn traffic.. why is it so traffic in the middle of the night?

--- a little side note---
i filed my resignation last friday... no body knows it yet. hha didnt wanted to ruin the night.. i guess i need to tell them tom

vertical horizon adventure

last nyt i went to my very first concert : ) hha guess who?

they were good.. even though i know just about half of their songs.. some of which i downloaded the night before the concert to familiarize myself with their kinds of songs.. i know crammer at heart.. pati ba naman concert eh i procrastinate lol

the lad singer was so cute.. he was all smiles.. people really go crazy when they sing the mainstream songs.. the whole araneta just go and sing along with him.. which was nice kasi whenever i watch asap and sop or something where people would go and ask the crowd to sing with them.. he would be lucky if he could actually excite the people to stand up and sing with him..

anyway it was funny when my teammate L asked if after the last song they left the stage and waited a while and the went back up the stage to sing again .. i was like yeah they really did that.. however the ending was not as dramatic since they all but sang their popular songs na.. making their exit less dramatic with two not as popular songs.. hha buti nlng i didnt asked kung pano niya nalaman.. i guess thats normal sa mga concerts..

their front act was rivermaya with their new vocalist.. they were really good and i feel awful for them because the crowd was not really very enthusiastic about them. but i liked it really, especially when they sing their older songs.. it was really funny how each of them would go in front og the drummer and stand there playing looking like their having fun.. parang they were teasing the drummer because he cant just walk around playing.. unlike the guitar people...

intrermission was weird looking american stand up comedian jamie kennedy who can only joke about sex and other nationalities.. which i find really boring and not entertaining at all.. when i told my officemates that its either im losing my sense of humor or he was really not funny.. he guessed that maybe because it's guy humor.. i guess a guy would know...

it was a fun night. weird but fun.. we literally travelled a mile for this concert.. walked to be exact.. trudged down dark creepy Kalayaan avenue into bustling scary EDSA rode and rode for a short way in a hot equally scary bus.. and then squeezed ourselves into the MRT even with people grumbling at us.. all in all it was a real adventure..

La Luz Outing i mean Outreach

Just came back from Batangas as usual pics to follow..

well the reason for going was the outreach.. however i dont think thats gonna be interesting to talk about.. the kids were as always makulit and magulo.. there were four hsbc volunteers in my team and 14 kids ranging from 5-7 years old siguro or maybe 8 not really sure.. they look really small for their ages kasi.. we had cheering contest, and painting tshirt, canvas and bayong contest.. unfortunately we didnt win any: (

anyway the fun started after.. hhe i know i know i like going to outreach but damn ive got o admit i love outings better: )

• mostly we were just talking about our work, our teammates, tsismisan and kwentuhan and girl talks.. it was nice to be there sharing thoughts ranging from shallow things like who's gay who likes who TO religious stuff like prostestant compare to catholic TO astrology astronomy evolution.....
• ate tons of stuff.. buffet kasi lagi so we were just eating and eating and then there are junkfoods pa...
• star gazing.. during the night we watched the sky cleared up of the dark clouds to more than a hundred stars.. i have never experienced spending probably more than an hour gazing at the sky talking and thinking.. i was able to see 2 shooting stars..: )
• freaky incident that a guy came up and "befriended" us. actually more like wanted to hit on one of us eh since kasama kami befirended us na lang din.. he was scary kasi he wont leave us alone.. we were too nice naman to leave him behind.. he's 31 and ateneo grade school and high school and lasalle college physical trainer and tour guide sa mga hiking.. goodness in less than half an hour nagkwento na siya ng buhay niya and yung mga hikes niya.. and made us feel like losers (dahil big deal samin yung outing na toh. meaning hindi normal sa min ang mag out of town.) it would have been interesting if he was not too nice.. freaked us girls out..
• bonfire. my very first.. it was small lang and we were fast lang dun coz the guy was there waiting for us so we excused ourselves kaagad.. pero it was fun to burn marshmallow.. however i realize thaht i dont like marshmallow in normal temp, in cold temp (ice cream) and in hot temp (bonfired)
• this morning we were supposed to go hiking with the guy however it rained : ( sad i really wanted to go hiking.. but we ended up sa beach nalang.. played volleyball snorkeling and "swimming" so two jumping small fishes : )
• bestest thing is it's sponsored by the bank for just goinmg to the outreach : )

it felt like vacation tlga.. sadly tom. is another day of boring job

what has happened?

adrian from HK had came over during the halloween weekend.. kim and i decided to tour him in trinoma.. we went to watch rendition which was one of my all time never should have watched movie.. maybe a little better than the asterix movie we watched back then..

well im resigning and half my team knows it na.. im not sure whether to feel relieved excited scared sad but i know that i would always look back and smile at the memories.. feel sad for the lost friends.. feel relieved that its over.. and feel a lot of mixed emotions just as i've felt in college.. YEAH RIGHT hhe i guess im gonna feel sadder leaving HSBC than i was leaving my college life.. never really felt at home in college.. i was just there and not there at the same time..

im scared to be a bum again.. i wouldn't know what to do.. i really need to take something up... any suggestions?

chattering... chatter.. and chat

we can really trace the evolution of our conversations...

can you still remember the times when all we really talk about are homeworks and tv shows? when the most important thing is to finish our homeworks to get to watch our favorite cartoon?

or the endless time of discussing your marketing plan.. that finishing it in time and in a presentable manner is the most important thing.. that even sleeping and eating and showering(well i cant really remember if this actually happened) takes a backseat..

then the conversations about life changing(long) search of a job that pays well and is fun and is worthwhile..

and now here we are.. still looking for that job.. already talking in a different tune... kai siao, husband requirements, marriage...

i guess if we would base it in our conversations.. we really are maturing... not as fast as getting old but maturing nevertheless

wednesday night out

had a dinner with Kim and Kevin sa serendra.. wasnt able to go around much.. since we stayed there for about two hours lang ata... and then had coffee here in qc na..

ate in Thai at Silk ... really expensive but really nice place and the food was delicious... just dont go adventurous and buy their pandan juice... it tasted as kim tactfully described "like grass" actually i think grass would taste better.. and this comes from a person who loves buko pandan.. their Roti is really nice... you can even eat it without the curry..

it was so nice strolling down high street at night.. ang galing parang outside mall siya tlga.. we really should go there.. hint hint.. but eat someplace else.. like mcdo near hsbc or something.. grabe the place was so pricey it's really for special occasions lang tlga...

here iam sleepy but still awake. hope i wake up early enough for work later hhe...

HongKong Adventure - ocean park rides

Still have a hangover from my trip last weekend.. i wish i could just go around the world and not go back to work...

Went to HK with Kim from elementary.. it was really fun and exciting.. never a dull moment tlga other than the trip back.. we were both too tired from the trip and too sad to that we're going back to work na the next day..

met up with two of K's friend in HK..

we went to ocean park.. and i would never admit it to kevin.. but im really proud of myself for riding all those scary rides.. he was encouraging us well more like bullying us into riding the rides..

we rode two roller coasters one of which had 360 degrees loops..

my head was ready to fall off na ata... but since i squeeze my eyes shut didnt really get to see us upside down..

rode the abyss which takes you up and drops you.. the anticipation was too much we were screaming and yelling ourselves off sa line palang.. Both of us girls didnt wanted to ride anymore.. upto the time that the guy was checking our seat harness i still wanted to go down..

the ride stopped at the top before plumetting down.. the view was great but i really really didnt wanted to look down...

But i guess the anticipation is really scarier than the plummet itself.. or maybe because you didnt have time to get scared na.. Just scream your lungs out nlng..

and we also rode the space wheel which that scared the hell out of me... we were not walking straight na afterwards.... LOL

life is like a game of...

free cell.. hhe

• its a game that requires startegy and planning..
• every step leads to a new card/situation
• sometimes a move could be reversed..
• in the end everything will fall into place(if you've been doing the right thing)
• a good strategy would always clear the puzzle up
• all puzzles can be cleared up(i think..)
• we get cocky in a winning streak
• we get determined in a losing one

interview failure

im not sure if i deliberately sabotaging myself cause im not ready for change or if im just not really good in interviews..

anyway the interview was not good.. to put it nicely.. and unfortunately or fortunately im not really depressed about it..

i was expecting questions about my growth my strengths my weaknesses.. but syempre hindi yun yung tinanong.. darn.. what was even more frustrating is that i subconsciously expected these questions..

for one he asked me what kind of products do we offer premier clients.. which i totally dont have any clue.. however when i learned that i was going to have an interview for this particular position i was really going to browse the web for hsbc products.. but got side tracked and completely forgot about it.

and then the next was what i think does the job entails.. dumb dumb.. anybody interested in applying should have known that.. syempre i was going to look for the "ad" for the position to know the qualifications pero got side tracked again by a leaving ex boss..

darn kainis pambihira.. anyway got over it na din.. cant do anything about it but learn to be prepared next time.. listen to my instinct and be prepared.. : (

two steps forward and one step back

tomorrow im going to have my first interview in almost 1 1/2 half year.. im terrified.. i hate interviews and i hate it that im this terrified.. Might as well make the most out of this..

nothing to lose naman..

either way its gonna be a good practice for me. so win-win situation.

----

i just wanna say. people are suckers for telenovela because they could see that other people have worse problems than they have and still come out of triumphant in the end..

paranoid applicant

after days/weeks/months of contemplating i finally submitted my first application for another job.. its a step. i actually applied internally.. im not sure if i like the job but its the best thing there is now.

anyway what i thought to be a "quiet" application wherein only my boss would know ended up being a team issue.. i feel terrible because i think my team mates felt "betrayed" or something dahil hindi ko sinabi sa kanila that i was planning on applying in other department. well i have my reasons.. mainly they were the ones holding me back from applying (unintentionally) and it would be stupid for me to talk about my application with them because of this..

right now i would have to stand up for my decision whether i get in or not. akala ko kasi i would have to deal with my teammates IF ever i get an interview. but i guess not anymore

reading reflecting reacting

Just bought a book today.. hhe my mom was surprised that my bill went up to 1000 since i only bought one teensy little book and two mags.

anyway.. i hope the book's worth it - The Comfort Trap or What If You're Riding a Dead Horse.

bought it after reading this line from the first page.. "It's difficult because, however unsatisfying it is where we are, it is also comfortable."

Your comfort trap is the familiar tolerable but unsatisfying situation you've created in your life.

hmm familiar?

extended weekend

ive been rambling about not wanting to go to work on monday.. kaya ayun here iam middle of the week in my pj getting bored and sleepy... got a little fever and my parents wanted me to rest for three whole days.. hhe sarap sana kung hindi ako kakatayin ng teammates ko bukas lol

anyway some of them texts naman to know if im still breathing so i guess they are not all angry: )

im super bored.. been watching dvds and tv shows for a day is causing severe brain damage.. i need to talk to people wah... ayaw pa kasi ako papasukin ng parents ko.. i know bka mabinat or something but i wont deliberately put myself in the rain right? anyway they got their way so i have another day all to myself..

random musings

listening to toni gonzaga's "Catch me Im falling for you" Galing it has the song and the lyrics.

i know i know.. super jologs ko lol.. song is the ost of a koreanovela im watching. actually was dragged to watch coz my officemates were watching it and saying that the girl is sort of like me daw.. kaya i needed to know if that's a compliment or an insult.. so then i got hooked myself.. darn it.. yun i have the cd watched it till the end and is still watching it on TV.

can someone just bang my head and give it some sense?

"Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? ..." - Hitch


it sucks to like someone who doesnt like you back.. it sucks more when people makes you think otherwise..


had my first appraisal in my new team.. got a pretty okay grade however i wanna know my teammate's grade without revealing mine.. hhe.

trinoma nights

it seems that ive been in trinoma every friday night this month.. this month lang din ba yung transformer natin L?

tonight i guess for the best na din the dinner was postponed since tatlo lang kami na pwd... i dunno they just decided to postpone it by going home.. hhe at least i didnt have to back out of the dinner which i unfortunately am not inclined to do.. kahit na alam kong pangit tignan feeling ko naman kasi there's nothing wrong with it eh..

anyway ended up having dinner in trinoma with 3 girls and talking about well boys and tsismis about my old dept..

as usual my mom is not too happy about this.. she is always angry at me for going home late at night.. she doesnt understand that inside the office we work and not bond... anyway.. its a routine na naman.. im such a stubborn bad daughter.

...

i have so much things to say that i dont know how to put them in words..

its so frustrating

petty fights are frustrating..especially when mas apektado pa ko sa mga nag aaway..

guys are so dense

my team is falling apart.. its breaking apart literally cause two people are leaving in a month's time.. and in another sense cause nahahati na dahil sa away...

is it so hard to be part of a guys group? i find myself always surrounded by guys nowadays since my team is majority guys.. which i dont find awkward naman.. since they're the type of guys na friends before guy type. but i know my mom would kill me if she knew na i usually hang out with guys.. (dont even think about it.. they are not my type)

i just realized this kanina when a teammate asked me if i wanna hang out tom night since last few weeks na niya sa team.. and i was like "sure no problem" tapos since may away away nga and different personal reasons it ended up na 3 lang kami with 2 of them guys.. kaya tuloy now im thinking of backing out coz bka pangit na tignan that i go out with guys alone.. ahh i dont know.. last friday i was also out with 2 guys din.. my mom was just talking about maintaining "appearances" kaya tuloy na paranoid ako bigla..

ahh useless post nanaman.. just going on and on ranting and ranting hhe.. next time aayusin ko na.. : p

post number 3

i guess i have lots of things in my mind... kept on posting and posting since i havent posted ina while na din

parang weird kasi na ipagsama sama ang aking mga thoughts in one long long post..

i've watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants in HBO this afternoon.. it was pretty cute to watch it kasi parang it reflects a part of my life.. obviously having 3 bestfriends din : ) who are great and nice din..

one of the scene Lena was describing herself and her three bestfriends..

she decribed herself as some who doesnt know who she is but knows what she wants to be.. which is a constant struggle and question for me too.. especially nowadays..

while her friends are- "simply just great", "knows what she wants" and "is strong".. basta parang ganun yung description niya which i could use to describe H R and L respectively..

i dont know if the three would agree but everyone is entitled to their own opinion my friends ; )

the movie came out around 2005-2006 which was around the time when we were graduating and preparing for a life outside college.. a life totally separate from each other especially when the three went to beijing .. : P

Carmen: [voiceover] It would be easy to say that the pants changed everything that summer. But looking back now I feel like our lives changed because they had to, and that the real magic of the pants was in bearing witness to all of this and in somehow holding us together when it felt like nothing would ever be the same again. [pause]
Carmen: Some things never would be
Lena: But we know now that no matter how far we traveled on our own separate paths...
Bridget: Somehow we would always find out way back to each other.
Tibby: And with that, we could get through anything.
Bridget: To us. Who we were, and who we are. And who we'll be.
Tibby: To the pants.
Lena: And the sisterhood.
Carmen: And this moment, and the rest of our lives.
Carmen, Lena, Bridget, Tibby: Together and apart.

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

song of my May - June 07

i know its over dramatic of me but ive been listening to this song on the ipod over and over making it one of the most heard song in it... i guess i felt it describes my "relationship" with a colleague of mine.. which i would never ever admit in the office... i guess may pagka masochist din ako in a sense that i dwell in sad thoughts..

When There Was Me and You

It's funny when you find yourself

Looking from the outside

I'm standing here but all I want

Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe

Miracles could happen

Cause now I have to pretend That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale

A dream when I'm not sleeping

A wish upon a starThats coming true

But everybody else could tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody

That I heard you singing

And when you smiled You made me feel

Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words

Now my heart is empty

I'm only left with used-to-be's

Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale

And dreams were meant for sleeping

And wishes on a star Just don't come true

Cause now even I can tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

Cause I liked the view

When there was me and you

I can't believe that

I could be so blind

It's like you were floating

While I was falling

And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view

Thought you felt it too

When there was me and you

life is....unpredictable

sad news - - - a blockmate of my older shoti died.. im not sure about the details.. he was one of my brother's friends in college.. even though i dont know him i felt really sad for him his family his friends.. ang hirap kasing ma understand how someone so young would/could die so suddenly.

life is stranger than fiction as a newpaper article pointed out - in fiction the story tries to be as logical as possible, which was right in a sense, 1+1 would always add up to 2... your Mr right would always find you *serendipity*... a mystery would always have an answer... everything has a reason and purpose.

but not real life ... the right guy might not want to meet you. having no problem might cause a problem on its own. having a college degree does not mean you would find a job. a young person does not mean he has his whole life ahead of him. a young healthy person could just die at any moment at any place at any time.

I guess life is not about happy endings - maybe its about happy moments..

come what MAY

another month down..

i was supposed to write something to wrap up this month.. stuff i've done.. stuff that happened.. until my mom came along and changed my mind

she came to me looking for "tsismis" about my life.. it feels weird to be asked if i have a "guy" in hsbc.. which i certainy dont even if i wanted one.. she keeps insisting that i always text someone when i get home.. while i keeps on telling her that im just bored in the mrt and am playing games on my celphone.. monopoly to be exact...

and then she went on saying ive been there for more than a year now.. dont i have any guy friends? i do but they are just that guy friends... now she wants me to leave the company na.. since i dont have any prospective boyfriend in the place.. so there.. i guess thats another criteria for an ideal company.. good pay good job good prospects.. im so pissed

MAY!!!!!!

its finally MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

April was a fun month since its my birthday month and then there's the holy week vacation and stuff.. and now comes MAY

well May 9 marks my 1 year working in HSBC while on May 13 marks my 3rd month working in my new team.. for HSBC im disappointed in myself for sticking it out for this long while for my new okay maybe not new but current team i guess its time to say something nice about them..

i've learn to like my IRM team. even if they are totally different from my HBPH team, i guess i was able to adjust to them or they were able to adjust to me.. i cannot say exactly.. but i know there are things that changed because of me.. yabang lol

in college i was never the one who would be considered as maingay and magulo.. my blockmate never did knew who i really am.. but here in hsbc i was able to be who i really am with the people i was forced to be with in just 3 months.. sa hbph team ko dati i was considered the "nice sweet girl" here in irm team im considered as the "super kulit girl" lol.. funny that i could be both girls at the same time..

in a way i think working here is just an escape/excuse from what i really need to face.. i feel that here i have my space... im good at what i do (well maybe overly qualified.. yabang tlga) and im am being treated nicely.. im one of the youngest second actually kaya medyo parating pinagbibigyan: )

id be going to china with my mom on tuesday be back next week.. its pretty weird to be deserting (as they describe it) my team behind. but i think i need a time off to think.. well i hope i get some time to think and hindi pangunahan ulit ng parents ko..

musings

".... When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our lives, for moving forward is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness. And while our sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future.." - Prince and Me


its hard to let go..

22!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

april 14 came and went just like any other date.. i didnt feel anything special - grew an inch or something to that extent which would make me see just how different it was supposed to be than the other dates in the calendar..

other than being the center of attention for a few minutes and the constant greetings of people whenever i passed and the gift and cakes and singings and the hope that maybe something would be really different this year..

im actually 22.. but nothing seems to have change in me since when i was 16. well height stopped at 12 ata hhe.. weight is constantly changing until now..

anyway this year my goal is to find a better job promise either within the same company or in a different company... OR start a business which i could be proud of..: )

fort week

its our first week in fort and as promised by my supervisor he was gonna give me the morning shift for a change..

however, i dont think intentional naman its payroll week.. making it impossible for anyone to go home by 530 because of the load of work and the freezing temperature (not connected hhe the new place is so cold para kaming nasa baguio lahat...) darn well at least i would have lots of OT pay in the coming payslip. grabe i arrive to work at 830 and would be lucky to leave by 730(which didnt really happened).. wala na kaming social life. my former teammate was inviting me labas daw last night pero almost 9 na ko nakaalis ng work. pouts

now i can really say na im happy with my new team na. well its really weird coz it took me just over a month to be close to my team now compared to my former team which took 2 months siguro.. well syempre kasi the first month with my former team wala ba yung "batchmates" ko.. well happy lang naman ako with my new team because im comfortable na with all of them (except for my current line manager and to-be-line manager) but thats ok i would be able to warm up to my to be line manager now that he's my seat mate and all..

well hopefully my being makulit and maingay wont backfire.. ayaw pa nila tuloy akong turuan coz susuko daw sila sa kakulitan ko.. anyway i wont stop nagging them until they teach me noh.. lol hhe anyway when they say im super makulit i tell them na lang na matakot sila kung naging tahimik ako coz ibig sabihin nun ayaw ko na sa kanila.

anyway my new team is composed of one line manager two supervisor 6 processors.. 3 lang kaming girls so it feels weird since i came from a team of 7.. 6 of which are girls..

to hazie.. WELCOME TO THE HSBC FAMILY. (figure it out: ).... you break the news)

too comfortable for comfort

its been a month and a week since i started in my new team.. well i dont think they are a trigger happy team.. kaya am not sure when i could show pics of my new teammates..

its pretty interesting to know them little by little.. medyo nagwarm up na naman ako sa lahat ng ka team ko well with exception to my line manager.. is that a bad thing?? anyway eventually magiiba naman line manager ko so i dont think being close to my current one or not would be a problem.. the problem would be my going-to-be-new-line manager would be my going-to-be-new-seatmate sa fort .. holy sh!t

anyway im getting comfy na with the people and most of the work.. however i think im getting too comfy for my own good...

before i could not do what my boss wants me to do all i need to do is say so..
now whenever i say something parang napapasama. even if im just commenting on how irritating the procedure is. they think that im complaining or being bossy or being childish

before i dont care what i joke around
now i bite my tongue to stop myself from commenting/joking about a lot of situations

anyway i feel bad lang kasi when i told my "boss" offhandedly naman. cause i was super tired na and irritated in waiting for him.. "baka naman gusto mo ng i approve toh" a little too loud coz my teammates heard it. my boss was like "ah ganun.." in a tone that implies na i dont have the right to say that. anyway. the tension didnt last naman coz he let go of it na when i didnt wanted to talk about it. putting my i dont care if you dont like it face. well at least i hope so.. and maybe next time i'd just keep my mouth shut..

letting go

its been almost a month since i've changed team.. it was easier than i expected.. since i could easily go back to my former teammates when im overly stressed from not talking for more than an hour.

hhe joke.. of course i talk. "uy question" "pano ulit toh?" "pa approve" "pa disapprove"

but seriously. im starting to warm up to my new colleagues.. they now know just how makulit iam when i want something. and how i love junk foods. and how i walk around(towards my former team) when im done with my work. kaya tuloy they are planning on giving me extra work everytime they see me walking around.. (hope this was a joke)

anyway its sad to feel out of place na minsan sa dati kong team. they are still very warm to me but i sometimes feel awkward na dun. or maybe because they are busy when i go there kaya no time to chat? it just feels weird that i dont know the latest chismis or the latest problem or the latest joke or the latest fight anymore. and its especially sad when they dont invite me when they have pizza or food anymore. im so not part of the dept anymore: (

makes me wonder if the friends i make in the office would last after i decide to leave.

i guess the reason why i dislike changes.. half the fear of rejection from the new and half the fear of being forgotten by the former ..

actually its pretty funny that fate is slowly adjusting me to change. first napunta ako sa ibang team pero same office with my old team nearby.. then in a few weeks we're moving to fort. so new location naman and surroundings. i guess the next would be new company na talaga. im tired of saying i wanna leave and not finding the willpower or determination to actually start the process of leaving.

omg we are actually going top fort na before the month ends.. im going to miss enterprise.. how watsons and ministop and starbucks is just an elevator ride away and jolibee and mcdo just a few steps away.. glorietta and greenbelt a few blocks away.. shux i really dont know how i will survive going to fort everyday. if only there's mrt there. or even just a shuttle or jeep or something.

friday night

last night i tagged along my new team's dinner. i was torn between going or having dinner by myself. kaya kinapalan ko na ang face ko and went with them.

---

actually my friends invited me to eat dinner before going home unfortunately im not yet done with my work: ( until 7 kasi ako so mga 7 plus pa ako matatapos.. they tried to wait for me naman pero i told them to go ahead na.. : (

---

anyway since late kami nagstart late din kami natapos.. my parents were super angry.. i cant tell them i went out with my team coz they would be anxious since i barely know them.. kaya they cannot understand why we(me and my former team) had another dinner when we just have our despedida the other night..

anyway i was not able to meet up with kim today coz i was too damn scared to ask permission kahit na sa the block lang.. : (

---

dinner was awkward.. i should have listened to my inner voice and just went home even though it's friday night.. barely ate coz i didnt have the appetite for what they're ordering.. i was able to get to know a few of my new teammates better. one of which nakasama ko na sa CAS dati.

---

they keep telling me to let go of my former team na. masyado pa rin daw akong attach sa CAS. i told them na hindi kasi ako sanay na super seriuos at hindi naguusap ang mga kasama ko.. i think i better shut my big mouth before i alienate myself from my new team..

---

but i feel that im getting used to my new team na din naman.. sad pa rin at times but i go back to my former place less frequently na.. i guess its normal to compare them sa former team ko.. ibang iba talaga.. sana maging okay naman itong new team ko

even though....

• they rarely talk.. if they talk its about work..
• they dont go out together.. yesterday was their first..
• they are older.. kahit wala sa itsura
• serious sa work..
• barely eat lunch.
• shifting

---

i hope in a week or two, i learn to like my new team para hindi naman puro negative stuff nasusulat ko about them.

despedida

tonight we had our despedida with HBPH team.. its really sad to be leaving and knowing that this dinner would officially "cut" our relationship with my original team.. sad but i guess its time to move on and experience new people and new environment..

---

i believe that adaptability to change is a very important criteria for a person to succeed. unfortunately im not sure if i have that "adventurous" streak that loves change.. i tend to find comfort in the old ways wherein i am confident in myself. whereas i find it hard to find myself being the newbie again.. when im prone to making mistakes and following the "teachers" word for word because i dont understand a thing.

---

my other teammates who has not left the team yet are both thinking of resigning and just starting their own busines.. i know we all dream of having our own business and really standing on our own two feet. but i know that as of now. im still not ready. i dont think im mature enough and experienced enough. im not sure if this is the "matured" me speaking or the "insecure" me discouraging.. im confused. and im sad to be confused..

---

we had dinner at giligans.. it was really nice to have dinner with them because it feels fun even though there was nothing really special about the event.. we just ate and talked and left.. but i find it nice to be simply there together and knowing that it will not be complete without one of them.. having spent exactly 9 months with them.. its nice to know that we can let our guard down and simply enjoy each other's company.

---

im both happy and sad because of the despedida..

---

but sabi ko nga dati with my PSI micro buddies. happy na din ako.. even if we can't make the relationship last at least we were able to share this experience together.

G2G

got my first g2g today: )

dunno for what exactly but L said its connected to his "meeting" with the branches. since i thought everyone got one i didnt asked for details na..

new job is weird.. i have more free time now than before... but when it comes to work sobra naman kung dumating..