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hhe i know i know im on the roll.. im not doing anything and i have a ton of stuff to say.. and no one to tell it to.. well i cant bring myself to talk about stuff which are sad.. but i need to let it out somehow..

i have always had a weird habit of wanting to cry.. i used to try to think of sad things to make myself cry on purpose before i go to sleep when no one is looking. i think its weird but i feel comforted afterwards. parang you let some sadness out of your system or maybe because of the fact that you think of things that are so much worst than your present situation that you can't help but feel a little better..

sometimes i would imagine and cry until my chest tightens into a knot that i need to comfort myself to sleep..

these year.. i dont think i ever did it again.. one thing is because my sisters are a lot older and does not sleep as early as they used to.. hhe and another is because i felt it really stupid to imagine things to make yourself cry.. and maybe because i cried a lot already this year to even bother.

sorry i was about to rant a long rant but i still can't talk about it without feeling bad about it.. so this entry wouldn't make any sense because it didnt led to what i wanted to talk about... suffice it to say that i cried a bucket and ten this year.. for family friend and myself.. and i hoped i cried myself dry for in a few days it would be a fresh new year. may we all have a great OX year.